i think i was goin thru one of my weird phases of the month. i know ive been such a bitch to u.
im sorry baby. really :(
i miss u. and i love u like a fat kid loves cake :)

heh. its finally done.
http://ryelias.blogspot.com/

baby look how much uve grown.
hahaa
( emm sent me the old one :) )

"whaddya want.. milk?"
*stares
"right.. uh, theres beer, coke, water.. milk..?"
"stop tryin to get rid of ur fuckin milk!"

lol!!

i woke up at 430 to get ready for school. lol!! cant seem to fall asleep. dont know why.

baby i miss u :(

my emotions have been swingin up down left right the past few days.
*sigh

anywayss, i kinda had this mini debate on the tagboard of one of j's friend. hahaa. i got a lil annoyed with the whole "using bible to condemn homosexuals" thing. so i rebutted with an argument using the new testament and king james version. ha.
but i suppose at the end of it all, emm's kinda right. she said once before that there will always be a clash and nothin would ever reconcile us and the ones who are determined to use the bible to condemn us. i suppose we jus have to agree to disagree?

schools starting again. boohoo.

i feel... weird. as if my bodys not my own. hahaa.

i think its just one of those days where... i jus want to be by myself.

but i miss u emmy. really alot.

someone made me toast at 1am in the mornin. hahaa :D

i should get some pictures of us up. but im shy. LMFAO:p shut up emm. anyway, camera cables lost so sue me :p

i love xan and all. like so fucking much. but hes so annoying right now cause he doesnt wanna let me talk to my friends. its MY laptop! *glares

its officially mazs birthday today. dum dee dummm

i still want to SQUEE:D
*laughs

I think you put a spell on me. I just might ravish you if I stay in bed any longer.

it sucks that bucky got voted out. it makes absolutely no sense :( i think im a jinx. the person i support always gets kicked home. hahaa.

anyway.. was havin a three way chat with j and jarrod. hes in his last yr of law school and slogging thru for his coming reading exam! j's in awe of him.. heh. i hope u get into law school too honey :) jarrod was telling her how the first year would be the toughest cos ull come across thousands of words/phrases u have never heard of, and its practically like learnin a whole new language. thought it was kinda funny when he said people would start throwin law terms into their daily conversations and though it might sound pretentious, they would all laugh it off a lil awkwardly, knowing it would be the only way they could get familiarly acquainted with the whole new 'language of law'. hahaa.

i, for one. would never be suitable as a law student. lol. could never imagine myself in court fighting for the life of someone else. its such a huge responsibility... and sadly im not born with quick wit and a sharp tongue. hahaa. i wish u the best of luck, j :) have faith okay. im sure ull make it into law school :D

64 days to graduation. 2 days to babys visit. god i cant wait.

i wish xander would marry me someday (even though im so annoyed that u deleted ur lj.) and we will have a kid too.
2 more days! :)

i was told to check out julian beever's chalk art and dammnnnnn thats some really cool stuff. i wish i could see it in real life tho... maybe someday i will! anyway, go check it out :) the one with the coke bottle is freaakkiinggg awesome!

and well i aint got nuttin to say about recent week, nothing much has happened - a few minor/big things that im choosing not to talk about, due to the sensitivity of the matter! if u dont know about it, its for a valid reason!!
trust a mate with somethin that was never really discussed, just a hint line that it was what i thought, then he spins a whole load of shit to the other person as thats what i said! and they call themselves mates. to quote spiky, 'BAH!'

emm, if i agree to get a blog, would u do up a nice skin for me and keep doin it till i say im satisfied? hahaa. to do, or not to do. tht is the question. lol. to be perfectly honest, this lj has been rather good to me. should i really dump it? hahahaa

its 2am and im remembering the first time we tuned. *prettysmile

or bff, as em would say. hahahaa :D i miss u alot alot alot alottttt. but its okay cause ima see u soon! :D then u james me and baby can double date. hahahaa. btw, i love ur im emoticons, hilarious. u know, i kinda realised tht if u came here too, u and ser would hit it off right away. hahaa. would have been so awesome. talking bout ser, she gave me a whole packet of pixie stix the other day. man, i swear its nuts. hahaa. solid stuff!!!

other news, rach is training hard for her swimming gala next week. or is it the week after. hahaa. either way, GO SPROUT! hahaa. im pretty sure she'll come home with medals. lol!

i also have to mention spiky cause i love him so! hahaa. i think hes gettin kinkier by the day but im not complaining. we both know i love tmi. lol:D keep going with ur subway!! and stop lurking and stalking and lurking and stalking. its CREEPY! hahaa. ure gonna be hot property (the hot exchange student!) when u head to new orleans, so dont sweat it now ;)

babys been in quite a crappy mood the past few days. ure too hard on urself sometimes.. ima have to call u more often to help u destress. hahahaa ;) dont act like u hate it when i annoy u a little. cause i know tht no matter what, u love to hear my voice very very much :p alright, jokes aside, i believe tht disagreements are part and parcel of all friendships... wheres the fun in a 24/7 smooth sailing friendship huh? look at our relationship for instance. fight fight fight. LOL!! moreover.. such difference in opinions are what made u guys best mates in the first place... so take a side step and shake on it to move on! okay baby? :) and aly tells me ure one of the best in the faculty. so dont worry so much! having known u for years, im aware that intelligence is in ur blood. and the riches as well. :p

i dont watch idol anymore cause david's gone and so is will. :( sucks.

anyway, waiting for the fam to get ready before we head out. s funny how im always the first one to be ready. and they say im the....... nevermind. hahaa. mm.. rach wants those glow in the dark stars/planets/dinosaurs in her room so we're gonna go get some later.. toys'r'us? maybe some science geek shop where they sell all those nifty little gimmicks to kids. hahaa. probably gonna get tony romas on the way too! big grin :D

melbourne games have started. if only we were back home, we would have gone down to catch the fireworks as usual. and no mardi gras for me this year too :( baby went for some events plus the parade tho. apparently it was a hell lot of fun from what dam and aly were sayin. couldnt stop laughing when aly said 'honey, we made sure xander kept his pants on so dont u worry k.' hahahaa. lovely :)

ANYWHOS, j must be waiting for this. LOL. so.. yeah, the big thing here this weekend is the f1 sepang grand prix. todays the qualifying and tmr the finals. and no j, i wont be going. hahaa! my friends think its boring and completely ridiculous to pay hundreds of dollars to simply watch a car zoom pass u 30 times? i know i know, u must be feeling utterly indignant, but honey, we all have our own opinions eh? hahaa :p for what its worth, i think raikkonen is hot as fuck. lol!

i miss the way u hold my hand
and the way u kiss my temple.
i miss how u hug me from the back
the way my head fits against ur shoulder.
i miss hearin u say u love me
its never the same across the phone.
i even miss that face u make
when i dump 5 spoons of sugar into my mornin coffee.
i miss seeing ur shirts lying around my room,
and ur deck which u always leave by the door.
its all the little things i miss,
and the biggest of all, u! :)

got sent home today, flu bug got really annoying. now babys online to work and play with me at the same time. hahaa
j's gonna collect her results in a few hours. all the best :) im sure she'd do fine.
anywayss, everythings been the same old around here except for the fact that baby finally finally finally managed to convince momma to let me go back in june, with help from pops of course. like, for good. hahahahahaa :D althought its only her approval thats confirmed, im still so psyched. heh! one thing holding me back though is rach. its gonna be tough leaving that lil munchkin behind..... but.... we'll see how it goes.
other than that, im proud to say ive been studying hard! heh. cant let those credits slip away or i can wave byebye to home. babys been busy with school too, even quit his temp job. not that he needs the money anyway, daddys boy. hahahaa.
also managed to finally catch brokeback. awesome stuff, so deserving of all the awards it garnered :) not to mention heath is absolutely delectable. lol!
alrighty, im out.

j: "but ry.. jus because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.. and you're bein an ass if you really believe what you jus said."

im not being an ass.. but how can i not believe something which seems so plausible to me, which is then further proved by his subsequent actions.

how does one live with the guilt? why is it that even tho we manage to work out the consequences of our undesirable thoughts, we still let it happen?
how did u live with it then? did u merely forget it as time passes? how do u let guilt slide.. does one simply choose not to remember it in future?
cause i cant seem to let it go. and somewhere inside me, is telling me tht i shouldnt feel so bad, cause in a way, u did it too. didnt u.

i feel awful.

my clock currently reads 4:44am! not cool :( and i cant sleep either. double not cool :(

and lj sucks. it keeps erasing my entries :(

maz wants me to watch brokeback mountain with him when it comes out. but they are probably gonna censor the crap outta it anyway, no thrill. sigh.

i miss ya, xander.

im far too girlie for my own good. lol.

[Intro:]
(Don't forget about us)
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
My baby boy...

[Verse 1]
Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

[Bridge 1]
Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about

[Chorus]
Late nights, playin' in the dark
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us
I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

[Verse 2]
Oh they say
That you're in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both can't forget it
How good we used to get it

[Bridge 2]
There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about

[Chorus]
[Rap]
And if she's got your head all messed up now
That's the trickery
She'll wanna have like you know how this lovin' used to be
I bet she can't do like me
She'll never be MC
Baby don't you, don't you forget about us

[Chorus x2]
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us.

so much has happened. i dont really know where to start. farrrrrrrr too emotional, its so annoying. haa.
well to cut a long story short, im gonna take ur word for it.. u have to keep ur promise tho okay? and ill definitely keep mine. i know u dont like it when i cry, but i cant make u any promises on that.. but u behave okay? dont make me sad :p yea, thanks for the ipod, the cd and the photo book :) i know i know, ure rich, i get it. lol :p seriously, the best i got :) thank you :)

christmas was a smash! lots and lots of gifts. boxing day was such a joy. hahaa! everything that mom made was inhaled so fast she couldnt stop smiling. :D we actually saw dad booogggiieee. hahahaa.
such warm joyous festivities, who wouldnt love christmas? although we did miss alot of people, its alright.. we'll be celebrating together next yr! :)) from the gifts that xan saddled over, its good to know we're not forgotten! :D

to those who helped me across a rough patch.. j, nate, spiky, aly, ser. thats what mates are for huh? hahaa. thanks a whole lot :) love hugs and the kisses. hahaa :D

babyiloveu:)